It's Been a While...

It's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog. I feel like I've had a little case of writer's block, which is odd because so many things have happened. But now I'm feeling inspired, so y'all are gonna get an earful.

First, we had an almost wonderful Christmas. Santa visited, bringing tons of presents for all! We were able to visit family and friends, which was wondeful. However we had to cut our trip short because of illnesses. Joseph came down with pneumonia. The night before Christmas, the poor little guy spent the entire night awake with a terrible cough. We came home with Joseph running a fever and throwing up. Thankfully, he has recovered almost entirely. The wonder of antibiotics and cough medicine.

My worries over the Handy Dandy notebooks were put to rest on Christmas day. As I had hoped, the kids were too involved with all of the gifts they did receive to think about the ones they didn't.

Because Joseph has been sick, we've spent very little time outside of our home during this Christmas vacation, and we are all starting to go a little stir crazy. Today was a little better - we took the kids to a McDonald's with an indoor playplace so they could burn off some of their pent up energy. Mommy and Daddy are going nuts, though.

For starters, for the last year and half, we have received assistance from the state to pay for our kids to go to daycare while Brad was working and I was going to school. Now, the state has decided that Brad makes too much money (if you can believe that), so we are no longer going to receive that assistance. Thankfully, the classes that I need are offered in the evenings, because it would have cost us $960 per month to send my kids to daycare. Who can afford that? Not us, that's for sure. But I am not sure how I am going to manage being at home all day, every day. I went back to school because I couldn't handle being at home all of the time. I'm thankful that I am still able to take classes, but I don't know how I am going to retain my sanity while being home with my two monsters all day. My plans are to try some sort of home school routine, because Joseph requires constant stimulation. I am just not sure that I am disciplined enough to keep up the routine.

I also am facing another dilemma. What do you do with a five year old who refuses to feed himself? I know that he can. He does it all the time. The problem is during dinner time. We always try to have dinner as a family, and we are usually successful. But we end up with Joseph being sent to his room or time out every night. He refuses to feed himself dinner. It doesn't matter what it is. He just doesn't want to eat. I hate that our family time is always is always cut short because we have to fight with Joseph. Last night, his excuse was that his "fork isn't long enough." I just don't know how to handle it. I am always so frustrated with him. How am I supposed to be a good mother to a child who I am constantly frustrated with? And what is going to happen when I am home all day?

I have a lot on my plate right now. Joseph has always been a very difficult child. Going to daycare gave him a routine to follow and the stimulation that he needed. That made a huge difference in his behavior at home. But how am I supposed to provide the stimulation that he needs and meet my own needs also? I can't even afford to keep just Joseph in daycare, so what am I going to do? A lot of women stay home with their children, but a lot of children aren't like Joseph. I am just overwhelmed. I want so desperately to be a good mother, but I feel like I'm going to collapse in on myself like a dying star when I spend too much time at home. Is there any solution? Is there a way to find balance?

HELP!